I am in danger of sounding self- absorbed.  Every thing I write is about me!  It is just that I am new to this version of myself.  The one seeking health in the face of a possible MS diagnosis.  So everything has started to intrigue me.  Every spasm, every sharp pain, every dull pain, I would’ve ignored them before but now they set me off on a train of thought -about myself!  Maybe it is not self absorption but self-discovery- or maybe that is me being easy on myself.  In a world where so much needs our care and attention, am I being selfish focussing on me?  Should I continue to ‘just get on with it’ and hope that it goes away? I feel guilty for spending time researching and reading.  Time I didn’t have before this- I am taking time out from time I previously spent looking after my babies and husband to delve into my symptoms.  I do feel self-indulgent at times and guilty too.  Even writing this I am conflicted.  When my family and friends read this are they ‘rolling’ their eyes?  ‘Get over yourself’ Are they embarrassed by me/for me?  I am embarrassed at times, I feel ashamed by my symptoms but I want to be relatable- if someone is going through what I am going through, I want them to reach out to me and connect.  I want to help and I know by connecting they will help me, I’ve already experienced that through the bloggers I have connected with.  There is comfort to be found in an otherwise very uncomfortable situation.  I want to help comfort.  I will try to be mindful of my self-absorption so that is doesn’t take over!!

3 thoughts on “self-absorbed?

  1. Oh sweetie you are not being selfish or self absorbed. This is all something very new and scary for you. You are entitled to do as much research as you want and then some! You just want to know what is going on and what to expect. I respect you for doing research and trying to figure things out. I do not believe anyone is rolling their eyes at you and if they are that is their problem! Right know you need to be able to understand what you are dealing with and you need a lot of support! Please know, I am here for you. You can ask me anything or if you just need to vent! You are not alone in this battle!

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