I wish I had someone to talk to through all of this. I don’t mean that in a melancholic way. I think I just need another me so I can get out of my own head sometimes but stay in my own head!! I really want to thrash out everything that is going through my head and hear some objective opinions. No one really wants to talk about it. Everyone is so sure (but not sure) that I don’t have MS they make me feel ridiculous, like I am imagining everything. My friends don’t ask questions and they change the subject if I try to bring it up. My husband does listen but he honestly has enough to worry about with work and his masters and being a dad and being a husband. I still haven’t told my parents. I KNOW! I just couldn’t do it to them. I was waiting until after Christmas, then after New Years then I just couldn’t do it. But I am getting tired of living this ‘double life’, it is stressful and I don’t need anymore stress but I don’t want to hurt them. Not that I could talk to them about it because I know they would be telling me there is nothing wrong with me or treating it like it is a death sentence. My brothers don’t ask. I know everyone has their own lives and their own struggles. I suppose that is what this blog is all about. Getting it out there and trying to organise it or make sense of it, if there is any sense to be made!

One of the groups I am in on Facebook asked us what our word for 2018 was going to be and it took me a good week to come up with the perfect word. STRONG.  My word had to be STRONG.

stronger (comparative adjective) · strongest (superlative adjective)
  1. having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks:

    synonyms: powerful · muscular · brawny · well built · powerfully built · strapping · sturdy · hefty · burly · meaty · robust · fit · athletic · vigorous · tough · rugged · stalwart · staunch · mighty · hardy · lusty · Herculean · strong as an ox/horse/lion · beefy · hunky · husky · ripped · shredded · buff · jacked


I need to be every one of these synonyms! From fighting-fit to passionate to forceful to knowledgeable! I need to be STRONG.

Strong in my Physical health.

Strong in my Heart

Strong in my Gut

Strong in my Mind

Strong enough to look after everyone else and Strong enough to look after myself.

Strong enough to stand up for myself

A lot of people think I am weak, because I cry at EVERYTHING. I have been called weak many times.

I am not crying because I am weak. I am crying because I FEEL everything yet I still have the strength to go on. I am STRONG.

When I went to Mass on a Sunday as a child. I would look around and most Sundays I would see someone with so much sadness in their eyes that I would cry too. It never left me. I still see it. I still feel it. I still cry. I am strong. 2018 is my year to show everyone how STRONG I am .


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